Choose Kavod (honor)

One of the Facebook groups I belong to is I Grew Up in Brooklyn.  I joined not to argue; I like to reminisce about Lundy’s, a seafood restaurant with legendary fluffy, buttery biscuits; Ebinger’s bakery with its mouth-watering crumb cake; and the piping hot slice of cheese pizza (15 cents!) on Flatbush Avenue.

Unfortunately, like so many Facebook pages, Brooklyn has its share of vitriol. A recent post read, “In your opinion the most evil human being alive today…”  Of course, it invited controversy. The answers came from both sides of the political aisle and fomented bitterness and divisiveness.

Since our Mussar group studied the middah (soul trait) of kavod last month, I decided to think about a different challenge. Rather than vilify others, how could I honor them? By paying attention, could I find something to honor about every person I meet in my everyday encounters?

I started at the grocery store. At my local King Soopers, I’m often at Doreen’s checkout counter. She is fast, efficient and helpful. Two days before Thanksgiving, the lines were long and unrelenting, and she looked exhausted. Yet she still took the time to ask every customer what they were doing for Thanksgiving and wish them well. So when I checked out, I said, “Doreen, I am thankful for you.” I was rewarded with a bright smile.

It made me recognize that honoring others made me feel good too. The practice was fulfilling, so I kept going. When I went out to eat with a friend, and the waiter introduced himself as Martin, I made sure to use his name every time he came to our table and to thank him by name at the end of the meal.

At the after-dinner concert, the guard at the door kindly said she’d let us in through a shortcut since my friend had a cane, and it was a long walk to the start of the official line. I asked her name (Anita), struck up a conversation, acknowledged her for standing outside in the cold night air, and said, “Thank you for your help, Anita,” when she let us in.

I wrote appreciative emails to people who serve my community, a note to a colleague who was featured in a documentary, and thank you texts to party hosts. The responses were immediate and grateful. So easy, so painless, so heartwarming.

My experience made me once again appreciate that the mindful practice of Mussar creates choices. I can choose to be angry, disappointed or frustrated at our world situation, to judge and criticize. Or I can choose kavod, to recognize those who are doing good, making a difference in my life and my community. The second choice is certainly better for my mental health and my soul journey. After all, I’ve come a long way from Brooklyn.

So a challenge to you, dear reader, will you find someone to honor today? If you do it, let me know how it makes you feel.