Hacked, Spammed. Curious and Grateful?

In the space of a few days, I was the victim of an unsuccessful attempt to steal $2,000 from my Zelle account and received a spam email that resulted in the hacking of my entire email list. Annoying, scary, and an opportunity to practice Mussar.

The first incident happened after I advertised tires for sale on NextDoor. A guy wrote and said he would pay me through Zelle, and his brother would pick up the tires the next day. I trustingly sent him my Zelle account, but the money didn’t come through. Instead, I got an email, supposedly from Zelle, that went directly to spam. At least I was cautious enough to Google the “customer service” number. It was an escort service in Delaware! So, I texted the guy and said, “Sorry, no go.”  Of course I heard nothing. On the next business day, my bank called because someone was trying to get $2,000 from my Zelle account. Luckily, the bank caught it, and I suffered no loss except the time it took to change all my passwords.

Meanwhile, the spam email appeared to have come from a trusted colleague. I was wary after my recent Zelle experience, so I emailed to ask if she had sent it. The response, probably from the hacker, was a terse “yes.”  I tried to open the attached document, and my entire email list was exposed. I heard from friends and colleagues, some of whom I hadn’t seen in decades, who reported receiving a phishing email as a result. Luckily, I don’t think too many of them opened the spam and had their email lists stolen.

Both incidents were frustrating, anxiety-provoking, and time-consuming. How could I find equanimity while dealing with them, I wondered? Since we’re studying curiosity in Mussar this month, I decided to approach the events through that lens.

First, I was curious about the perpetrators – Where were they from? What kind of person does this and why? Was it desperation? The thrill of tricking someone? Malintent?

The more I thought about it, the more I understood that being curious about hackers was not helping me progress on my own soul journey. I was focused outward rather than inward. So, I switched to investigating my reactions to the events.

My first reaction was to blame myself: Why was I so naïve as to give someone my Zelle account name? Why do I respond so quickly to emails without thinking it through? How can I be so stupid as to fall for two tricksters in two days??    

My second reaction was embarrassment. What would my more tech savvy friends (most everyone) think of me? Would they judge me as a technically incompetent old lady? Would they be annoyed about getting spam mail because I goofed up?

While allowing me to be curious, the reactions of self-flagellation and blame were also unproductive to my soul growth. I turned instead to the middah (soul trait) of forgiveness. If I could forgive the perpetrators of these events, maybe I could forgive myself. I am not perfect. I make mistakes. These were trivial – no money lost, no long-term effects. And there was a lesson to learn – slow down and think it through before responding to an email or text.

After investigating my feelings with curiosity, I could even look at the experience with gratitude. I got to reconnect with old friends. I had a nice phone conversation with Jerry, a man with whom I volunteered with years ago. He had moved out of state, and we had lost touch. I texted with Steve for the first time in years. I received sympathy and advice from tech-savvy Terry, Alan, and Bill.

Thanks to my Mussar practice, I was able to use these incidents as a learning experience. It was a journey from frustration to curiosity, from self-shaming to forgiveness and gratitude. And I learned to be more cautious on the Internet!